i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He felt like a one man threesome
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
