Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
