I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You can't special order awesome
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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