I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
