Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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