It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
