Please, let me fuck your mom
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
