Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
