It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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