He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
