So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
