dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
