so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
