It's like God shit irony all over that family
if only i could text you this smell
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
