I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
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Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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