D3 body, D1 cock
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
