Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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