that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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