He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
