he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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