forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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