I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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