he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
