In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
