you mean i was at the winter classic?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
