Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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