If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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