i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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