wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
