i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
