I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
