i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
