sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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