Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Small penises have feelings too.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
