Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
