people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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