If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
