Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
