i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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