Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize