I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Your penis caused this!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
