in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
