Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
