So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
