I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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