Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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