Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
