What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if only i could text you this smell
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
