Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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