btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
