so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
