now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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