My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
