How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
