There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
