so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
