you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
