This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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