school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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