So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
