I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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