I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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