Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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