oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i came on her dog
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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